Pants Control by Lil Pocketknife (Review)

In a recent issue of the hallowed Brain, there’s a well-written editorial about the current state of the recording industry, and some of the steps that artists and labels can both take to help improve things. One of the points that really jumped out at me was the idea of quality control, the idea that people need to exercise some judgment and discretion in deciding what they release.

I’ll be quite honest here. I’ve received many CDs that left me completely perplexed as to how everyone involved (the label, the promoters, the recording studio people, and of course, the artists themselves) could have possibly decided that this was something worth releasing to the public.

Take Lil Pocketknife’s Pants Control for example. I’m flabbergasted as to how something like this made it out the door without someone crying foul. The only possible answers I’ve been able to come up with is that (A) someone owed someone else a favor, (B) someone didn’t have the heart to tell their friend “This really isn’t that good,” or © everyone involved was completely drunk off their asses the entire time. I’m leaning towards “C.”

Lil Pocketknife’s shtick involves aping the Beastie Boys by way of Peaches. Which entails dropping clumsy, shrill-voiced, foul-mouthed rhymes over an assortment of Atari-inspired beats and bleeps. And that description is perhaps a bit generous. Is it hip-hop? Is it electroclash? Nope. It’s the sort of music that bored kids record when they’ve had a few too many Old Styles and have easy access to a microphone, a 4-track, and a pirated copy of Fruity Loops.

Now don’t deny it — you’ve done it with your friends too. However, you probably had the common sense to delete all of the files the next morning while waiting for your hangover to fade, rather than burn them onto a CD and try to sell it as a 13-minute EP.

Some might argue that I’m taking this record (as well as the equally disastrous Revenge SF/DJ Shitbird split Welcome To The Party, which also features the Knife) too seriously, when they’re obviously meant as jokes (I hope). And to be honest, there was one point on Pants Control where I almost chuckled. It is kind of humorous when a robotic voice intones “Yeah/Lil Pocketknife/Singing the songs/Rocking your motherfucking ass” while the DJ scratches what might be the Super Mario Brothers soundtrack.

But then the next song kicks in, with Lil Pocketknife rapping “I got A.D.D./I got A.D.D./I got motherfuckin’ motherfuckin’ A.D.D./I got A to the D to the other fuckin’ D,” and you suddenly realize that robotic “motherfucking ass” was the album’s zenith.

Narnack has put out some solid stuff in the past, and they’ve got some fine-looking releases on the horizon (such as the new Friends of Dean Martinez album). I can only assume that this was just an inside joke that went a bit too far, and now Narnack has to live with it (or brush it under the rug should someone ask them what they were thinking on February 24, 2004).

However, I actually listened to the thing enough to review it, so I guess the joke’s ultimately on me. Crap.