Post-Concert Blues

Last night was spent the way life should be: packed into a basement with about 30 sweaty kids listening to some loud rock n’ roll. Thanks to everyone who came, especially the Des Moines kids. And I apologize if there was any confusion about the cover charge. Personally, I think it’s somewhat of a party foul to charge for basement shows, but since 3 of the bands playing are on tour, I wanted to make sure they could make it to the next town. Anyway, sorry, and thanks again.

If you get a chance, check out Lewis, Map, and John Wilkes Kissing Booth. They’re solid bands, and what’s more, cool guys. If you see them, ask them to pull out some hip-hop for you. Trust me…

Last night was a bit of a clincher for me. I have a great job and I think my coworkers are some of hardest working and most dedicated people I know. Considering that it was my first “real” job and I got it right out of college, I consider myself very fortunate. But on the other hand, my heart just isn’t in sitting behind a desk and beating my head against the wall for hours on a PHP bug or a design for a client who doesn’t know and (probably) couldn’t care less.

I’m not airing any dirty laundry or job-related grievances (because there really aren’t any, aside from stupid clients), and I’m not planning a transition any time soon. But when that transition comes, I think the past 6 months will have enabled me to face it on much stronger footing.

The past 6 months have showed me that life, or at least a healthy part of it, is about separation. People grow apart, spatially and emotionally, and we seem to hate it so much. Maybe that’s why we hold onto bad or troubled relationships so much. We have this hope that maybe, by still being close, it’ll make things better when in fact, it’ll just tear us up.

I’m as guilty as anyone of holding onto the past, be it childhood nostalgia or old crushes. And I’ll probably do it until the day I die (and then someone can get nostalgic about me). So we grow apart, and I think we should become more accustomed to it and not feel bad when we do it or it’s done to us. I know it’s a sad thing to say, and it shouldn’t be that way, but in this messed up world…

On the flipside, it makes me want to treasure those people and things that are close to me all that much more, and fight harder while I still have them to make sure that they don’t end up like so much else has in the past. It makes the time that I’m discovering and growing closer to new things that much sweeter. And it compels me to seek out those sweeter, deeper things that might just withstand time and distance.

And it’s such a fine line between the two, and they make us/me so confused sometimes. Maybe it’s just better to err on the side of caution… whichever side that might be.